I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize