Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
