You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
