i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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