Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
