My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just want nice things and good sex
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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