i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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