I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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