you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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