I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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