When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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