69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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