why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
