Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
It's shark week go big or go home
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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