I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
