i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
