I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
