If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
