Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
