my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
