Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
