he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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