I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Randomize
