just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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