Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
