the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
