the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize