Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
