She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
