Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
