I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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