You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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