I skipped work to stalk him.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize