The maid of honor just puked.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Randomize
