I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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