He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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