i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
