matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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