My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Randomize
