Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Dignity is for republicans.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
