pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
