I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
