I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
