one word: firstdatebathroomanal
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
