morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
