Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
