Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
