According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
