his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize