You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
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