There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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