1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
