the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
