drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
