you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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