but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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