Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
