I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
