i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Randomize
