How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
