Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
