Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Im just a social blackout drinker.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
