Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
