I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
It was confusing and full of hummus
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
