Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Randomize
