God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
