Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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