Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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