I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You pole danced in your parka.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
