grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
