I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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