I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
