I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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