My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
