My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
