I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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