dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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