i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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