im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
only if we run a train.
done.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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