he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
