They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
