Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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