I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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