i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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