Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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