she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
