dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
