Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
