if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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