So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Actions speak louder than pants.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
