Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
