So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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