Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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