your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
