she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize