So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
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