Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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