btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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