god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
