dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
