i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
