3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize