listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
