i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
