Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
