She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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