I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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