toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
