Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
