You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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