a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
