i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize