and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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