Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Randomize
