if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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